"Why do you have tattoo's?" A question asked by many, which I replied too with: "They remind me of important life lessons and happenings. So that's how my tats resemble them." This quote, a rather obvious answer, scratches but the surface of an internal truth.
Growing up, the only recognition I have received was due too my athletic capabilities. Having no father figure and a mother always absent even when adsent, I could not rely on my parents to establish a strong sense of self-worth and a meaningful existence. Not being able to control how others thought of me seemed like a problem I had to solve.
There are no blank, unwritten books that people are able to read or would want to even if they could. I felt like a blank book, uninteresting and rather useless. With this new-found insight, I realized I have to become the personification of literature on my life's history and current identity. An 'aha-moment' has led me to a financially draining new tool in which I hope to find the solution to people's carte blanche judgements over me. Now that I have important events written and drawn on my skin, people could not possibly think of me as uninteresting, because the fact that people's eyes gaze a little longer when they see me, and their thoughts guided by what my tats are and where they are placed, gives me slight control over their behavior. I can be certain that they have more neuronal activity when meeting or encountering me, than they would with the "average" Joe.
My drive to control people is just the veil of my need for recognition. Returning to my quote, the quote itself is a mask for my need to control. This is one of my latest discovery during the first Psychoanalysis lecture on the 20th of September 2020.
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